BEWARE OF KIDS: Anecdotes about the humorous and disastrous things parents near from their children.

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For those of you without children - this is a warning

From an anonymous mother in Austin Texas: Things I've learned from my two boys

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-years old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs when a ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times to get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in the windows does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man will say it can only be done in the movies.

10. Certain legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noise when driving.

18. You DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before turning it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, Texas, has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. Eighty percent of men who read this will try mixing brake fluid with Clorox.


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