Wisdom From Military Manuals and Other Sources:

(Click on more more jokes to return to the main jokes page or main site to browse 70 topics ranging from exotic kaleidoscope designs to the strange world of lucid dreaming.)

 

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' (Infantry Journal)

 

'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' (US. Air Force Manual)

 

'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never encountered automatic weapons.' (General MacArthur)

 

'Tracers work both ways.' (Army Ordnance Manual)

 

'Five second fuses last three seconds.' (Infantry Journal)

 

'Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.' (Naval Ops Manual)

 

'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' (Unknown Infantry Recruit)

 

'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.' (Infantry Journal)

 

'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil... For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.' (Sign over SR71 Wing Ops)

 

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' (Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot))

 

'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.' (Unknown Author)

 

'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.' (Fixed Wing Pilot)

 

'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' (Multi-Engine Training Manual)

 

'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' (Attributed to Max Stanley ( Northrop test pilot))

 

'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' (Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ)

 

'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' (Lead-in to a Fighter Training Manual)

 

As a test pilot climbed out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.

The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, ‘What happened?'

The pilot replied: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

 

Return to Jokes Page