Jokes For Teachers
A humorous collection of actual elementary student responses.
TEACHER: "Maria, please go to the map and find North America."
MARIA: "Here it is."
TEACHER: "Correct. Now class, who discovered America?"
TEACHER: "John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?"
JOHN: "You told me to do it without using tables."
TEACHER: "Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'"
TEACHER: "I'm sorry, that's wrong"
GLENN: "Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it."
TEACHER: "Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?"
DONALD: "H I J K L M N O"
TEACHER: "What are you talking about?"
DONALD: "Yesterday you said it's H to O."
TEACHER: "Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago."
TEACHER: "Glen, why do you always get so dirty?"
GLEN: "Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
TEACHER: "Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'"
MILLIE: "I is... "
TEACHER: "No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'"
MILLIE: "All right... I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS: "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
TEACHER: "Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"
SIMON: "No sir, I don't have to. My mom's a good cook."
TEACHER: "Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his essay?"
CLYDE: "No, sir. It's the same dog."
TEACHER: "Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
HAROLD: "A teacher?"
(The following was emailed to me without attribution:)
Where Teachers Came From:
On the seventh day, God rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do the eighth day.
For it was on the eighth day that God created the teacher. God made the teacher more durable than other men and women.
The teacher could arise at a very early hour and to go to bed far past normal bedtimes with no rest in between. The teacher could withstand being locked up in an airtight room with 27 little cherubs on a rainy Monday. And the teacher had to be fit to prepare semester grade reports over Christmas vacation.
Yes, God made the teacher tough - but gentle too. The teacher was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student ... of the 9 year old girl who was not asked to the sleepover... or the 1st grader whose daddy moved away.
And into the teacher God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the teacher has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when 1/3 of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven't arrived yet, and the school year starts tomorrow.
And God gave the teacher a heart bigger than the average human heart. For the teacher's heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, "I hate this class" and to love the kid who runs out of the room at the end of the day without so much as a good bye or a thank you.
And lastly, God gave the teacher an abundant supply of hope. For God knew that the teacher would always be hoping. Hoping that the students would one day learn to write... Hoping not to have lunchroom duty ... hoping to eventually catch up...hoping for wisdom to do all things well.
When God finished creating the teacher, he stepped back and admired the work of his hands. And God saw that the teacher was good.
And God smiled, for when he looked at the teacher he saw into the future. He knew that the future is in hands of the teachers, and they were prepared for the challenge.
And because God loves teachers so much, on the 9th day God created SNOW DAYS.
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