Living Too Fast If...
(Jokes about getting trapped in the high-pace lifestyle. The real humor is that these are all things that happen to me.)
You're living too fast if you walk through the kitchen so fast you blow out any lit burners on the range.
You're living too fast if when you approach an automatic door you bump your nose on it because it didn't have time to move out of your way.
You're living too fast if the book you're holding while walking gets jerked out of your hand because you changed directions too fast.
You're living too fast when people give you dirty looks for rustling their newspapers as you pass.
You're living too fast when you microwave something for ten seconds and look around for something to do while you wait.
You're living too fast if your normal way to walk up an escalator is to rush up it two steps at a time.
You're living too fast if when walking around the corner of a doorway you have to grab the frame to sling-shot yourself around the turn.
You're living too fast if when you open the refrigerator half the stuff gets jerked out of the door.
You're living too fast when making pancakes if they fly off the spatula when trying to move them from the grill to the plate.
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