TEE-SHIRTS AND BUMPER STICKERS
(Click on more more jokes to return to the main jokes page or main site to browse 70 topics ranging from exotic kaleidoscope designs to the strange world of lucid dreaming.)
My husband and I have religious differences: he thinks he's God and I don't.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
Bumper Stickers for Women
SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY ... I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE.
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
Run Jesse, Run! (Bumper sticker for Jesse Jackson for president... placed on the front bumber.)
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
I'm perfectly normal; you can ask any of my psychiatrists.
The trouble with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
Old age comes at a bad time.
In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
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